It seems so simple, but the question of who pays for the baby shower can be amazingly complicated. Gone are the days where every young mother aspires to a small house with a picket fence, and is dreadfully short on baby supplies.

In fact, the whole point of the shower has undergone a transformation. Some young moms-to-be depend on its bounty to get ready for baby, while others want a more social, upscale event just to celebrate. Misunderstandings abound, which sadly, can strain old friendships.

Read our tale of three baby showers below and you’ll avoid the worst pitfalls, bring close friends even closer and still have the shower of your dreams.

1) Tana’s Old-School, Stress-Free Shower

Tana doesn’t realize it, but her baby shower situation’s more classic than Classic Coke, so it’s going to be a breeze to pull off.  She’s 21, and her husband was recently deployed. She lives on base and is mostly broke, but she’s rich in friends!  They want to help celebrate this huge life event by hosting her shower.

The friends are pretty broke too, so three of them cleverly co-host, reducing the burden on each. First, they determine the budget (Tana’s mom contributes, freeing up some room). Then, they pick a venue. They decide on Stacey’s house, since it’s the largest. It can comfortably accommodate about 25 people, so they ask Tana for a guest list of that size.

In preparation for the party, the hostesses whip up some finger food, fruit punch and iced teas. They snag some inexpensive fresh flowers from a farmer’s market, bake a cake, and hand out homemade cookies for favors. They’ve planned a few games to pass the time, with prizes sourced from the dollar store.

The shower’s a complete success, with Tana getting some much-needed items and a fat stack of diapers. She thanks her hostesses for their hard work and kindness, and presents them all with a lovely gift.

Moral of the story: The perfect situation and perfect etiquette led to a warm and loving shower that Mom-to-be and friends will remember forever.

2) Madison’s Chic But Troubled Shower

Madison, 26, had a five star wedding, with magazine-worthy photos to prove it. She’s seen plenty of pics of truly stylish baby showers, and she’d love one of her own. In fact, she’d really rather do this party herself, but knows that’s considered less than kosher.

Seeing the need, her friend Lauren generously volunteers to play hostess. Immediately, Madison gives her a guest list of 75 people. This puts Lauren in a bind, since her house isn’t large enough, but Madison suggests hosting the shower at a restaurant instead.

Now Lauren’s really starting to stress. She knows it’s extremely poor etiquette to ask shower attendees to pay for their meal, but there’s no way Lauren can cover food for 75 at Chez Henri’s.

In the meantime, Madison – wanting the perfect event – is calling up Lauren and “suggesting” she buy the favors Madison picked out, leaving hints about linens and a two-tier fondant cake, and offering floral suggestions that sound kind of expensive. Sensing Lauren’s distress, Madison eventually offers to pay half the cost of the shower. But the remainder’s still much more than Lauren ever planned to spend, and now both Mom and hostess are feeling a little resentful.

Moral of the story: Micro-managing showers through a “front person” is a recipe for disaster, and your friends should never be asked to host a gala event. Galas need to be funded by the mom-to-be or her close family relatives … never, ever friends.

Etiquette-Friendly Twist: What if you’re set on that perfect shower of your dreams, but want to let your friends lend a hand? Cover the costs yourself, let them contribute a modest amount (in food, labor or money, whichever they prefer), then give them all the credit as hostesses. Sneaky? Yes, but it’s so generous we think Miss Post herself would approve.

3) Josh and Kelly’s Modern, Self-Hosted Shower

Kelly, 37, is an intellectual-property attorney on track to make partner within five years. This is her first (and by plan, her only) baby, and she and husband Josh couldn’t be more excited. They’ve spent scores of hours planning the nursery, and they want to celebrate together with their closest friends.

Although Kelly knows perfectly well that etiquette says someone else should host, she’s planning something catered, with live musicians – something that their couple friends will have a blast attending. A graphic designer friend is designing the custom stationery, and Kelly adores picking over all the details: she’s just ordered cupcakes with hand-quilted buttercream and sculpted mini-sailboats. The couple already has what they need for baby, so they’ll request “no gifts” on the invite, even though some people will ignore it.

At the end of the day, the shower is exactly what they wished for, with heartfelt exclamations of “this is the best baby shower I’ve ever been to!” and plenty of oohs and ahhs over the nursery.

Moral of the Story: Knowing she needed to handle the details herself led to a warm stash of memories from preparing the party, and even more from the actual event. Kelly adored every minute of it.

By now it’s probably pretty clear how to steer through these waters and retain old friends. If you can honestly let go of the process, enjoy a simple, old-fashioned shower and avoid overburdening your BFFs, then lucky you! Your nearest and dearest get the chance to show their love and friendship – and make a big difference to you and your newborn.

But if you’re really talking a social event with a hefty price tag to match, then kiss off the rule book and grab the reins. Best of luck … and enjoy your baby shower to the hilt!